Confessions: day 3

This week has not been easy. I’m tired. I’m struggling through a cold that has held on for about 85 years. And I’m sad for some of my friends, from several different parts of my life, that have faced lay-offs in these times of economic difficulty. And I really want to indulge my disappointment.  

Chocolate, where art thou?!

But this one thought has continued to cycle through my congested head: why compound feeling bad about external circumstances with feeling bad about internal ones as well? So my life isn’t cheery today. Should I make it worse by feeling rotten about what I eat? I think I’ve tried to cancel bad news in my life by doing harmful things.

I’m not going to do it. I can seriously almost taste my first goal accomplished.

Self Magazine: August 2008

So, after a long day today, I picked up the August 2008 copy of “Self” and decided to see what I could learn. I came to page 30 and stopped dead in my tracks when I read the article that could have/should have been written by me. Consider these words:

“For years, as my weight went up and down, that is how I thought. I ate scores of ‘last’ treats, sometimes virtuously giving my tomorrow self a leg up by shoving the rest of the cake down the garbage disposal or begging a coworker to take that final box of Thin Mints off my hands. Every tomorrow carried the promise that today would finally be the day.”

Though the article was written by Rene L. Todd, it very well could have been my own story. Where she stopped me for good was with her sentence, “I realized there had never actually been one ‘last’ anything.” She goes on to explain–”Forget swearing off sweets to lose weight. Seeing dessert in your future can make it easier to stick to a diet in the here and now.”

Basically. Anything you could ever want to eat will still be there tomorrow. So don’t eat it today.

Brilliant, really. Thank you, Ms. Todd.

Confessions: day 2

So of “the big 10″ today, the decision I am most excited about is…[drumroll]…I watched a movie with two friends and didn’t snack. I didn’t NEED to snack. There’s always been this connection in my mind between watching TV/movies and putting popcorn or chips or chocolate into my mouth…but it doesn’t need to be that way. I was fully engaged in the movie and didn’t even miss the food.

So many of the events in my life circle around eating–time with friends, time with my husband, shopping outings, entertainment, Monday night class–and I wonder how much more I would get out of these events if I didn’t over-calorate. And…just because it’s there, doesn’t mean I need it.

The Small Things

So a few minutes ago I ducked into the Post Office to pick up 70 stamps for this year’s Christmas cards. I am sending post cards that I created for my friends and family. Anyway. I expected Santa Claus stamps or reindeer or some sort of crazy red plants…but alas.

I opened the envelope on the way to my car and saw fruit. It is a simple reminder, as I’m putting together my cards, that my health is my new priority this year!

Confessions: day 1

“Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.”–Dan Bennett

I saw that quote this morning when I was setting up the blog and determined not to fall prey to false hope. I know that becoming healthy will require lots of hard work and dedication if I am going to succeed. I am not oblivious to the fact that I have tried unsuccessfully for 11 years to lose weight. But today is a new day. And, for whatever it’s worth, I do believe I can find success in year 12.

Call me optimistic.

Of “The Big 10″ choices I made today, the one I am most happy about regards lunch with a friend. She and I grab lunch often because of our work and we usually seek something cheap and fast. Yesterday she suggested a fast food restaurant and immediately I began trying to figure out what I could eat off the menu that would support my efforts to be healthy. There was a neutral option, but not necessarily a good one. So I suggested another eating place. No big deal right? We went and ate salad together elsewhere.

The issue for me is that I have taken such a backseat role in my own health. Someone suggests a restaurant and I go along without really giving it any thought. But this is my health! And what’s funny, she liked my suggestion! So day 1 was a great start.

And let me just tell you, making 10 good decisions is not as easy as it sounds!

Quoted

Interesting story on people.com this weekend. Title: “Ricki Lake: ‘I Can’t Believe I Was Fat’.” The part of the article that jumped out to me was: 

I didn’t have surgery and I worked hard. There’s no secret. I’m active. I watch what I eat.

Welcome

So okay. Every year on January 1, I do the whole diet thing. I can count at least 11 years off the top of my head where I geared up for the big “New Year’s Day diet” only to fall apart a few days later. Dieting on New Year’s Day has been as much a fixture in my life as pulling toothpaste out of my stocking on Christmas morning.

Not this year. Change is on its way.

I’ve spent the last few days really taking inventory of my choices and why I’ve spent 11 years attemping the same goals in the same ways without any major progress. Given the fact that I have the attention span of a peanut, this is remarkable. And stupid.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the thing I’ve most missed out on is being present in my life. I obsess about one number on a scale and miss out on the events of my life and the overall picture of my health. Here are the facts:

1. I’m 95.2 pounds overweight, according to the BMI scale.
2. I have a BMI of 40.7.
3. I am tired and ready for positive change in my life.
4. I have a plan.

My plan is really simple: from the time I wake up until I hit the sack at night, I will accomplish 10 positive things for my health every day. This goal is much broader than any number and will lend a greater feeling of satisfaction even if the pounds are slow to come off. It will take my focus off of an external number for which I have no control and place it on actions that are completely in the realm of my responsibility.

These I will call “the Big 10.”

And the best part? –It’s only December.